Undoubtedly Norman had more fun painting, illustrating and writing. Unwittingly though he may have been inspired by this economics stuff in his creative musings and given life to The Magic Pudding. Although considered a children’s story, which he both wrote and illustrated, it’s full of adult metaphors and themes, and one of Australia’s best-loved books. The genius of Albert, the Magic Pudding, is that no matter how much you eat him, he always grows back. Strangely, he’s also a grumpy pudding, who likes getting eaten, but we’ll ignore that for the purposes of this expose.

Now this metaphor business can get messy, so you have to concentrate hard. Firstly, the pudding is obviously the definition of the ultimate renewable resource, so over-consumption is not a problem. Although what happens if you just gulp Albert down in one bite is not really clear. Leaving that existential speculation aside too, this is where Lindsay may have something to answer for. Many Australians and others seem to think that the Earth’s bounty, aka plants, animals, minerals, water and even its atmosphere, are also magic puddings. Alas, science has shown us that this natural bounty exists in a fragile state of equilibrium.

Meantime economists have convinced us that continual growth is the necessary measure of our economic survival. But 1 to 2% GDP growth and 1% population growth compounded over only 100 years produces a world population of 18 billion and energy consumption 10 times greater than today.

So this fatal combination of magic pudding and endless growth thinking seems to be on a collision course with reality. The economist Kenneth Boulding noted though “that anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite word is either a mad man or an economist”. Unfortunately economists share their delusions with most politicians, businessmen and much of the populace. Actually so-called neo-classical theory predicts that developed economies will reach a ‘steady state’ of growth. What sort of numbers that involves is not spelled out, but maybe some of the Western world is getting there (e.g. Japan). In any case, it seems low growth could be the ‘new normal’ for many developed countries.

Getting rid of magic pudding syndrome however is going to be a very difficult task, particularly with leaders like Bunyip Bluegum, Bill Barnacle and Sam Sawnoff in charge. Read Lindsay. Finally, no attack on the charlatan anti-social ‘science’ of economics is complete without repeating that old adage about putting all the economists in the world end to end and still not reaching a conclusion.

Gormley used locals as models for his quirky figurative sculptures, which involved naked auditions in a giant scanner to record body shapes. Reception was only lukewarm until $20 inducements were offered. Planned for 3 months exhibition the fifty lanky steel sculptures still stand, and form the major tourist attraction 150 kms north of Kalgoorlie in our bit of outback. Not to be missed on your next trip out west, or east if you’re coming from Perth. Try to avoid the rainy season.

Now this bloke Gormley was obviously onto a good thing, and inspired by his near Kookynie experiences, decided to take his Lake Ballard ideas to the world. Like every smart Westerner (still PC?) he decided to hitch his rising star, so to speak, to the red, rising star of China. The answer was simple: the sculpture figures had to be smaller, easy to mass produce and made under license in China…..thousands of them, to reflect the rising tide of humanity or some such. Actually he gave them trial runs in a Walsh Bay warehouse in Sydney and elsewhere in the world.

The clay figures (figurines?) themselves are not at all reminiscent of the famous terracotta warriors at Xian in China, but they sort of line up in a similar fashion. Dare I say, they do seem rather gormless, but that would be too cheap, which they probably are to make, using hands and clay only. Anyway, check it out, as the figures have proliferated like proverbial rabbits, numbering over 200,000, and certainly fill a space in London. No mention of Kookynie’s inspiration for the whole thing, but we’re just happy to share the Lake Ballard joy. Go forth global Gormley, with our blessing, and multiply!

No doubt this august tribunal indulged in all the dark arts of salary confection, with that trite old chestnut in mind as it scoured inflated corporate and public service salary comparisons: paying peanuts only attracts monkeys. And all the performance and productivity indicators of our Federal pollies would have been going bananas, so to speak: clear policy, consistent principles, progressive legislative programs, intellectual rigour, societal role modelling & leadership, respect of parliamentary procedures, etc. Of course these high standards will further improve after their northerly salary increments.

With these proper remuneration packages we can also look forward to attracting more (non-monkey) talent into Federal politics, to take this great little big country of ours to new heights of leadership. The results already speak for themselves, as we’ve NOT seen in recent months!

Unravelling this bunch of mixed metaphors of chestnuts, peanuts, bananas and crackers with parrots and monkeys, presents a challenge, so we’ll just muddle through. That ungrateful watermelon (you know, green on the outside and red on the inside) Bob Brown had the temerity to suggest that pollie salaries should really be compared with ordinary Australians, like teachers and nurses, not corporate executives. Thank god Bob’s retired from politics, as he’s so out of touch with our sacred, mortgage-stressed working families and their appreciation of our ruling mob of macaques. Or galahs, or whatever!

A study by the University of Technology and Melbourne Business School on Australian attitudes towards society, politics and the economy has confirmed that we are ‘effectively indifferent to global and societal issues’. Concerns about industrial pollution, climate change, renewable energy, and depletion of energy resources fell dramatically compared to 2007. Attitudes in the UK and USA to environmental sustainability were equally parochial and selfish, and in stark contrast to Germany, where global issues ranked high.

The corollary is well explained in an excellent program on ABC Radio 702 – ‘Germany and Renewable Energy’ - in which a few experts take us succinctly through the politics and facts of twenty years of German experience of building a renewable energy network. National laws on feed-in tariffs were passed in 1990, and in 2000 with twenty year contracts. The cost of photovoltaics is tumbling, and demand so strong that Germany cannot manufacture enough at present. The base load power and economic viability of renewables are demonstrably clear there. Germany has an average of 1738 hours of sunshine a year, or 4.8 hours a day. We have that much before breakfast! Finding plenty of wind in our empty continent is also a no-brainer. Geo-thermal, bio-mass and other clever renewable methods make up the energy mix.  Wake up Australia!

Germany has grown its renewable energy from 2% of total supplies in 1990 to 20% in 2012; meantime Australia has managed to finally get to 5%. Anzac spirit my arse. At that rate Germany will reach 100% renewable energy by 2030, and decommission all nuclear power stations. ‘Beyond Zero Emissions’ shows that Australia could also reach 100% renewables before then using existing technologies. What’s missing is our political leadership. And our collective will, which may involve sacrifices on our part. Lest we forget indeed, wombats! Eats, roots & leaves a mess.

Eighteen months later the communists completed their takeover of the country and Vientiane was quickly reformed of its bad habits, including a ban on prostitution and closing down the seedy bar scene. A severe form of regimented Lao-style communism was installed.

Recently I read the first in a series of crime thrillers set in this period: ‘The Coroner’s Lunch – A Dr Siri Paiboun mystery set in Laos’ by Colin Cotterill. Engaging and simply told, it portrays this mix of communism and old Lao customs, as guerrilla cadres out from their jungle hideaways take control. Official stupidity, surveillance and corruption abound, making life difficult for Laos’s only coroner. But our 70+yr old hero carries out his investigations with aplomb and murder mysteries are resolved in the Lao way. When lunching with a politburo pal, overlooking the Mekong, Dr Paiboun occasionally washes it down with illicit Lao-Lao, the local rice whisky. It’s not high literature, but the story is insightful and evocative of that time and place.

My own Lao story came full circle two years ago, returning there thirty-six years later. The White Rose is long gone, but its ghost remained in the restaurants around Nam Phou fountain. Prostitution is still illegal in Laos and the low bar scene has not been allowed to return. In 1973 I had to fly over Pathet Lao territory to reach Luang Prabang, and this time I travelled by bus, over two days through spectacular rugged mountains. LP is now UNESCO heritage-listed because of its unique architecture of royal palaces, Buddhist temples and French colonial buildings, nestled in the junction of two rivers. The restorations work well, and it’s still a cool place to hang out. Sundowners are de rigueur and Beer Lao in large bottles is my palliative for the tropical heat. Enjoying them on a cafe terrace overlooking the Mekong (far north of Dr Paiboun’s favourite spot) was a nostalgic treat – surrounded by my old Laos and distant memories.

Q: “Bo penh nyang” – no problem!     A: “Thammadha” – she’ll be right!

Shame is directed by Steve McQueen (no, the Bullitt guy died in 1980) and stars Michael Fassbender as a NY executive with a serious problem of sex addiction, manifested in his use of prostitutes, masturbation at work, constant pornography use and fleeting relationships. His sister’s arrival upsets his grim routines, as she moves in temporarily and stays. Although confronting and shocking, the story is more nuanced as we get hints of their disturbed family history and conflicted characters. The bleak portrayal of executive work and social life rings true. The audience is challenged (or complicit?) as we are also voyeurs in a story centrally about voyeurism, and the egocentric alienation of our age fuelled by increasing sexualisation. The anti-hero has a brutal epiphany and promise of redemption. Gird your loins (ha!) for R-ratedness and you may be entertained.

The Hunter is based on a Julia Leigh story. A ‘gun for hire’ is sent into Tasmanian wilderness by an unscrupulous foreign hi-tech biology company to find, kill and bring back the last reported Tasmanian Tiger, so it can extract its genetic material and make lots of moolah. Willem Dafoe is ok as the hunter, but the Hollywood-clichéd script is unsubtle, particularly the stereotypical portrayal of conflict between timber town rednecks and tree-hugging greenies. Sam Neill plays a bush character, like he’s wandered over from the Jurassic Park movie lot. The loner amoral hero is redeemed in a final act of courage. The film needed more editing to reduce repetitious car-driving, trap-setting and moody landscape shots. It’s a trite variation on a theme stretching back to King Solomon’s Mines, with Tassie bush decor instead of African jungle.

Sleeping Beauty is Julia Leigh’s own first film as director. The central character is a young woman, with an ethereal beauty, who can’t make enough money waitressing to pay for her uni studies and rent. She accepts work as a silver service waitress cum escort for frustrated wealthy clients, with a special role as ‘sleeping beauty’. Alienation meets the commerce of aged erotic yearnings. The mood is bleak, sex is mechanistic; and like Shame, estranged relationships and survival in our strange world are on display. But the heroine’s feelings are not, so we can’t empathise with her inner world and are left unengaged with her fate. A formal dinner with naked waitresses is eerily similar to a scene in ‘L’Apollonide: Souvenirs de la Maison Close’ (House of Tolerance). Leigh’s slow cinematography is also reminiscent of the ’Nouvelle Vague’ style of Robbe-Grillet. Sleeping Beauty’s unredeemed world left me cold and flat.  

The Aldi marketing department must have a ball in its brainstorming sessions to come up with these non-brand names, and then they design imitation (rip-off is probably a strong word) packaging of rival ‘real’ brands. Presumably intellectual property lawyers run their litigation litmus tests on these close resemblances, but it’s an existential challenge to so-called ‘brand equity’ of the originals. It makes you chuckle while cruising in Aldi, discovering all these unheard-of products.

Champion of Aldi chutzpah is ‘Bramwells Brekkie Mite’, which looks like a twin of our iconic Aussie yeast extract classic, but at half the price. Taste-wise the jury is out, but it seems downright unpatriotic spreading it on my morning toast. The kicker is that it’s made in Brazil! Looks like the Germans have outplayed us again, in our own world cup of breakfast spread, using Brazilian players.

Naturally our fearless leaders immediately went weak-kneed. PM Gillard assured us that no school (i.e. private) would lose any funding or be ‘worse off’, and avoided any commitment to finding extra billions. As for actually taking any action soon, well now we need more consultation, despite waiting two years for the results of Gonski’s extensive community consultations. Minister for School Education & etc Garrett made blah noises as usual, and promised to get moving on something. Some have criticised Gonski for not devising an actual funding formula, but maybe that was deliberate. Most stakeholders have so far made positive noises, so apparently he’s found the right wording formula at least.

The sorry history of how we went wrong in education funding since the 1970s has been well-canvassed by Jane Caro in this succinct summary: http://newmatilda.com/2012/02/21/gonski-can-help-us-change-direction

Gonski has laid down the challenge of a fairer model, but the other bottom line implied by it, is that wealthy private schools will eventually have to receive less government funding. Watch the defenders of entrenched privilege in coming months as they put fear (of God?) and more doubt into the pusillanimous Gillard and gutless Garrett government. Meantime, make sure the kiddies are on all those school enrolment lists, just in case.

Ubiquitous and prolix, Rudd grandstanded on Libya, nuclear proliferation, climate change action (while dropping his own CPRS plans!) and did nothing on live cattle exports to Indonesia, instability in PNG (Australia’s protégé’ and biggest recipient of foreign aid at $482m), East Timor/Malaysia asylum seeker plans and other simmering regional matters, like West Papuan independence. Lots of blah and jet setting, but little useful action in our regional backyard of upset neighbours; and obsessed with getting a seat on the UN Security Council, lobbying all and sundry as he commuted round the world.

Even his vaunted Sinophile knowledge did not seem to help much with our oh-so-important China relationship. And as Abbott succinctly put it, both ‘the Rudd and Gillard governments managed to antagonise Japan over whaling without actually saving any whales’. We learn now that he had plans to open an Australian Embassy in Senegal, of all places. ‘Punching above our weight’ rolls nicely off Australian tongues and is akin to Anzac Spirit, but matched with an over-weening personality and super-ego (in a non-Freudian sense), we become a pain in others’ diplomatic derrieres.

My accord with Abbott on Australia’s interests stops abruptly at his conclusion that ‘the continued engagement and forward strategic presence of the USA is vital’. No sir, we say NO BASES here! Australia’s goal should be independence of thought and action within our US alliance, without kowtowing and joining US military adventures like obedient sheep. If NZ can think for itself so can OZ – and they have more sheep per capita too (huh?). Our strategic interests do not always align with our best friend LOFW (Leader of the Free World), and we should be prepared to tell them so.

This rant is now history as King Kevin precipitously left the world stage for another tilt at the top job, but apparently without counting properly. Vale Kevin 07, as he exits stage (left or right?) with his artificial smile on that pudding dial; loyal Therese and brood in tow again; ego still in tact and devoid of self-reflection!

Our treatment of another Australian journalist, during the Vietnam War, comes to mind. Wilfred Burchett reported from North Vietnam, the only Westerner to do so, and was branded a traitor. Vilified as a ‘KGB agent, torturer, brainwasher and Stalinist hack’ by our government, he was refused a passport renewal for 17 years after 1955, and even denied entry to attend his father’s funeral. The Whitlam government issued him a passport in 1972. The 100th anniversary of Burchett’s birth was commemorated with an exhibition of his photographs at Hanoi’s Ho Chi Minh Museum last year, to honour his memory as a friend of Vietnam. In Australia it was ignored. Burchett had argued that the US could not win the war and was credited with, or blamed for, fuelling public opinion in the West against it. Like Assange, he paid a high price for truth-telling.

The depth of antagonism in US government and ‘right-wing’ circles towards Assange is exemplified by senior officials calling for him to be killed by the CIA or other means. Local Swedish politics and close US-Swedish relations (Sweden was used for ‘extraordinary rendition’ of Guantanamo-bound detainees from Afghanistan), will certainly prejudice any chance of fair treatment if Assange is deported there. Amazingly, he can be held incommunicado in solitary confinement without bail for several months, and given a secret trial (on sex offences!). The US government will no doubt also seek his extradition from Sweden. Once in the US, Julian will be abused, like Bradley Manning the US marine charged with leaking classified documents to Wikileaks, and who has been ‘interrogated’ over many months of solitary confinement. The US government even successfully put pressure on Visa, Mastercard, Paypal, and Bank of America to stop processing support payments to Wikleaks – this ban is still in effect, although the transactions are legal. The US government is very angry, and will stop at nothing to take revenge on someone challenging their power and misdealings.

Against this background, the supine and gutless attitude of our government is deplorable and brings shame on us all. After David Hicks’ abandonment by the Howard government to rot in Guantanamo for six years, we have hit a new low of duplicitous US-arse-licking. Julian’s rights as an Australian citizen should be paramount and staunchly defended by our highest public officials. Their complicit silence is disgraceful. Despite what anyone thinks about any damage done by leaked documents in the world of diplomacy, remember, no charges have been laid against Assange. The Australian government should already be taking legal steps to protect him from dubious treatment in Sweden and beyond. For the record, Wilfred died from cancer in Bulgaria in 1982 aged 72, in exile.