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Go Aussie Gunboat Diplomacy

August 28, 2019 by POH

As predicted, ScoMo has rushed to sign us up for a US ‘mission’ in the Strait of Hormuz, by assigning two warships and 200 troops to help patrol the Persian Gulf, so-named because it’s literally in Iran’s backyard. Ostensibly, the purpose is to protect oil tankers operating through the 39 kms narrow strait. The announcement was slid out quietly under cover of a news cycle full of Pell’s Smell.

Foreign Minister Payne had the Orwellian effrontery to say that this commitment would ‘de-escalate tensions’ in the region. How does that work? Big Donald had unilaterally withdrawn the US from a successful multinational nuclear control agreement with Iran, thus triggering off some tit-for-tat shipping harassment by both sides.

Britain and France are not onboard yet, so we get maximum brownie points with our great ally and protector, Uncle Sam. As usual there is no parliamentary debate, and the Opposition fails to interrogate the objectives of another military adventure far from Australia’s shores. We-will-never-learn.

Folks, this has been going on since NSW sent troops to NZ to help quell rebellious Maoris in mid 19th century. Later, Australian colonies chose to defend the Empire in Sudan, South Africa, China and above all in WW1. Then we changed patrons and followed the US into Korea, Malaysia (just for old time’s sake), Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, and others I’ve forgotten.

In Unnecessary Wars, Henry Reynolds traces the inglorious involvement of our colonial troops in the Boer War of 1899-1902. The fabled light horsemen were in fact up to their bloody elbows in cruel mistreatment and murder of Boer civilians, which was then covered up with fake news of heroic actions. 

The causes of Empire (‘one country, right or wrong’) and nation building, combined with a glorification of war and militarism were a heady mix and precursor of Anzac myth making. The states and new Federal parliament did debate the South Africa engagement, but the pervasive pro-war ethos prevailed, and set the scene for 120 years. We’ve since jettisoned the need for even a simulacra of parliamentary analysis. Gung ho!

 

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Ten Years of News & Views!

August 1, 2019 by POH

Well, probably more views, but time has flown in a decade of strutting and fretting on the meejah stage, to mangle Macbeth. The 10th anniversary date of the online launch of this august journal was actually on 18 June, so we’re a little late with the self-congratulations. 

Apparently a 10th anniversary is celebrated with tin or aluminium, which is easily acquired at the local bottle shop in handy six packs or slabs of a favourite drop. Don’t you love all those short-hand ways of not referring to liquor? But I digress.

Now listen up folks, this time it’s mainly about you lot, our loyal readers. I dunno all your names but I do know what youse like by perusing our reader viewing stats. No need to guess what your favourite subject is: sex.

Since 2014 our top story Very Wicked Camper has been viewed by an astonishing 54,547 readers, due to a US aggregating website sending it globally viral, as they say, or is that virally global? All because of the naughty dick murals on said vehicle. The power of this internetty thing is a big worry, as they were pretty infantile images with few accompanying words. 

Second biggest story was Sex, Sand & Sculpture, which was really about art, society and censorship, but salacious it definitely was not. Still, it had 4,533 readers, so I hope they also pondered after checking out the evidence of offence to public morality. 

Third comes Magic Pudding, which had no sex – reassuringly – but maybe promised fantasy and a cooking story for kids? But then in fourth place was Eruv Erection Troubles and in fifth position Shark Season. So I conclude that you’re mainly into sex, fantasy and horror. But you suck up the other worthy high brow stuff (another 185 posts!) in between the tabloidy items.

You mob are truly awesome: both intellectual and low brow in one handy package! And very patient. What’s not to love about you. You’ve stayed the course, through good times and mediocre. Hopefully you’ve had some laughs, as we shared a few yarns, prejudices and occasional insight.

Ten years of sharing, togetherness and happiness – how good is that, as ScoMo would say, and gods bless you too. So keep the KC faith, dear readers, and we’ll sail (powered by wind) into that uncertain future together. 

Posted in Culture, Editorial, Society | Tagged | 1 Comment »

Damnation Dissent

July 7, 2019 by POH

What a helluva (hmm!) fuss Rugby player Israel (perfect first name) Folau stirred up with his damnation by Instagram of sinners to hell! It’s amazing how punters take this medieval idea seriously. Okay, I get that some gay people (no initials here) are unhappy about it, but only if they accept this ridiculous clap-trap.

But what about the other sinners mentioned? This caper needs auditing, at least apropos of Orstralia. At the top of his list were Drunks. Is that permanently inebriated folk, or those of us who have occasionally over-tippled? If the former then most people are unaffected, but otherwise it covers 90+% of Australians.

Homosexuals were apparently the most offended by the damnation call-out. But they’ve had plenty of coverage, so let’s look at the other categories.

Thirdly, Adulterers, which means sex outside marriage. Don’t worry, the rest of you come up later. Surveys show that 10% of spouses admit to cheating, which based on latest population estimates amounts to 915,000 people (cheating rate for men is 12% and women 7%). That’s a shite load of adulterers.

Liars is massive. Is that professional liars like politicians, or even us occasional liars (white lies only of course)? Potentially that covers 100% of Australians! And hey, what about Israel himself – he promised not to bring the game of rugby into disrepute, and then he takes Rugby Australia to court. That was a lie.

Okay, here’s a biggie: Fornicators.  Don’t reach for the dictionary – it means sex outside marriage. So the rest of you having sex are fornicators. I’m pretty sure the bible did not recognise defacto marriage, so you lot are included too. I dunno how to estimate the total number of fornicators in Oz but it’s way huge.

Full time Thieves is probably not a huge number, but if you nicked some flowers from a neighbouring park you could be a borderline sinner. Let’s just say several hundred thousand thieves in Australia to cover all options.

Then my personal favourite: Atheists. By definition we should be the least concerned with Folau’s folly of phantasmagorical punishment. And we make up 10% of the Australian population, that is 2,473,000 clear thinkers. So Israel: sticks and stones….

Last but definitely not least come Idolaters, which is where it gets interesting. Despite my atheist theology, I’ve done plenty of church tourism, particularly in Europe where they built some great temples to idolatry. Yep, lots of Virgin Mary statues, Jesus statues, not to mention assorted saints, religious relics, etc. Catholics are idolaters – they constitute 22.6% of the Australian population, and if we add say half of the 13.3% Anglicans, it makes a grand total of 7,246,000 Australian idolators, ignoring Buddhists or other minority groups.

When you crunch all those sinner group numbers, you have roughly 90-100% of the Australian population going off to Hell sooner or later. I hope the Devil has enough accommodation for his Australian congregation, so to speak, preferably with river views (no oceans in hell?) and Tuesday night pasta specials at the local club. To give us all a warm welcome! 

And come to think of it, is that why we’re Down Under? Thanks Israel for bringing it to our attention. The Devil’s in the detail.

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War on Iran?

July 3, 2019 by POH

Oh no, here we go again – I have that sinking feeling in my stomach, or is it my blood boiling. ScoMo is already following that long tradition of erstwhile Liberal PMs sucking up to a US president by offering to support the USA in actions against Iran (following America’s withdrawal from a nuclear deterrent agreement!). All the way with Donald J, who didn’t even request our help. Just like Vietnam back in the day, where we asked to join in. Remember how well that went for Australia, not to mention the poor Vietnamese?

Ironically within days Professor Hugh White, noted academic military strategist, has launched a new book ‘How to Defend Australia’, where he apparently argues strongly that we should shed any further delusions about Australia sheltering under the safety of a US security umbrella. A fictitious treaty obligation used by successive Australian governments to justify going to war alongside Uncle Sam, most recently in Iraq and Afghanistan? Another calamity for all sides involved!

As China rises and US dominance in Asia wanes, we are gunna be on our own, says the expert professor, who also suggests doubling our military expenditure and even discuss getting our own nuclear weapons. Tell him he’s dreaming, which he clearly is! But meanwhile he could drop by ScoMo’s Canberra office on his way to uni, and let him in on the latest strategic thinking. So that we don’t have to risk Australian troops on another needless military excursion into the Islamic world. With no guarantee of US protection insurance. 

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Press Freedom & Failure

June 29, 2019 by POH

Following recent attempts by ScoMo and his attack dog Dutton to intimidate journalists and whistleblowers with Federal police raids and legal action, we should rightfully clamour for better protections of ‘press freedom’ and journalist sources.

However, the sine qua non of that protection, and privilege, is that the Fourth Estate must exercise that freedom rigorously in the public interest. A letter to SMH editor (28 June) succinctly points out its failings:

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Hubert Wilkins: An Uber-Extraordinary Life 

June 26, 2019 by POH

Born in 1888 and raised in South Australia, George Hubert Wilkins is unknown to most Australians. Simon Nasht’s well-documented book ‘The Last Explorer: Hubert Wilkins, Australia’s Unsung Hero’ recounts the literally incredible story of the twentieth century’s greatest explorer – pioneer photographer, pioneer aviator, genuine war hero, reporter, writer, scientist and spy. 

As an unarmed frontline photographer in World War I, he took the first ever film of battle and moving images from an aircraft. Wounded nine times, he was twice awarded the Military Cross for bravery, helping wounded men and leading a leaderless contingent of Australian troops in a safe retreat. Monash said he was the bravest soldier in his army. 

Intrigued by both polar regions, Wilkins led expeditions by sea and by air, including the first flight over the uncharted Arctic Ocean, and in 1928 the first flight across the Arctic from America to Europe (‘the greatest flight in history’ – NYT). Awarded a knighthood by King George and humbled by the honour, Wilkins requested use of his middle name, and when His Majesty asked ‘Well George, why Hubert?, he mumbled something about presuming to use the king’s name, and henceforward it was Sir Hubert.

A gifted amateur naturalist he conducted a survey of the tropical north of Australia for the Natural History Museum in London. For two and a half years from 1921 he trekked thousands of kilometres, often on foot and alone, and compiled a detailed report on the ecological and aboriginal calamity. He later published it as a book ‘Unknown Australia’, which received a cool reception amongst his countrymen.

From an early age George was fascinated by meteorology, and as a scientist way ahead of his time, tried to organise a global weather monitoring system through the Royal Meteorology Society – to help mankind predict weather trends for agricultural and other purposes.

In 1930, to prove airship capability Wilkins captained an amazing first-ever round world flight of the famous Graf Zeppelin in 21 days. Sir Hubert was also famous around the world.

He had an exceptionally charmed life. He travelled through every continent, survived crashes and disasters, firing squads and sabotage, living long enough to be honoured by kings, presidents and dictators.

His Arctic exploration took on a new dimension when he led the first attempts at taking primitive submarines below the ice for science and navigation. In his later years he did work for the US military and intelligence, and in 1958 was buried at sea at the North Pole by the US Navy.

I’ve only touched on some of his achievements – for more about Wilkins’ exceptional character, driven personality and much more, the book is highly recommended. 

I agree with Dick Smith, that every Australian should know about Sir (George) Hubert Wilkins.

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Mandolin & Mussolini

June 10, 2019 by POH

Louis de Bernières’s book Captain Corelli’s Mandolin sold well in the day and prompted a movie with Nicholas Cage and Penelope Cruz, which I haven’t seen. Set on the Greek island of Cephalonia, the over-tragic love story deals with its wartime occupation by German and Italian forces, and the subsequent Greek civil war.

Although the plot is over-wrought and the characters over-drawn, the book has a hidden gem worth mentioning. Chapter 35 “A Pamphlet Distributed on the Island, Entitled with the Fascist Slogan ‘Believe, Fight, and Obey’” is a funny, sarcastic and hyperbolic take on Mussolini’s life and rise to power in Italy, in seven pages.

“Italians! Let us celebrate together the life and achievements of Benita Amilcare Mussolini, Who from unpromising beginnings has led us to perdition.

In His infancy He was thought to be dumb, but later proved to be incorrigibly garrulous and more full of wind than all the cows that browse the pastures of the Alps. As a boy He blinded captive birds with pins, plucked the feathers of chickens, was deemed uncontrollable, and pinched little girls in school in order to make them cry. He led gangs, started fights, sought quarrels without provocation, and refused to pay up on the bets that He lost. At the age of ten he stabbed a boy at supper, and then stabbed someone else shortly after….”

That covers just the formative years, followed by ever-increasing levels of violence, political manipulation and eye-popping transgressions. I’m not familiar with the history of the Mussolini years, but I presume the author hasn’t invented something so fantastically obscene?

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