Minister for Toilet Paper

It seems that Scotty from Marketing has forgotten that he’s only Prime Minister of Australia and not Minister for Everything, which is a trap that John Howard also willingly fell into, probably through hubris. Scotty wants to control the daily narrative, as we like to call it, by literally announcing and commenting on everything that’s happening in the world. Daily! The other Federal government ministers can’t get a word in.

Well, Scotty plumbed (oh yeah) new depths yesterday, when it became apparent that coronavirus panic had cleaned out supermarket shelves of that most vital consumable, toilet paper. So, to allay our fears of this major looming catastrophe, Scotty apparently rang the CEOs of Woolworths and Coles to voice his concern and get supply chains moving (see below). 

When he heard that manufacturer Kimberley-Clark had production lines running round the clock, Scotty said that it would “come as a great relief to everybody”. And he pronounced: “That is the economy in motion, that is private companies assessing their own risk plans and responding to them”. I’m not sure our chief marketing guru was having fun with us, as Minister for Toilet Paper, using such well-chosen words of comfort?

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