A new Australian political party has been born. Teal independents Zali Steggall and Allegra Spender announced their two-person founding membership of Community Strong Australia (CSA), a laudable development in our fracturing political landscape.
Re CSA, Zali said: ’the jumbo jet has taken off and we’re taking passengers’.
As an ex-Quaintarse employee reading this, I almost choked on my organic avo sourdough, and am compelled to urgently point out technical issues with this metaphorical misstep.
First up and most seriously, the aircraft can’t have taken off and be still taking passengers, for obvious safety and logistical reasons.
Secondly, a jumbo is usually a wide-body aircraft, 747 or A380, both of which are heading for the scrap heap. The perennial 747 was the mainstay of the fleet during my twenty two year career last century, and ceased production in 2023. The A380 is more recent, but is already being replaced with smaller aircraft.
So unfortunately Zali chose an outdated aircraft for her fledgling party, which would presumably aim to project a modern image, unless they’re trying to attract older demographics – a short term strategy given remaining baby boomer life spans.
The other major problem with Zali’s metaphor is that it’s unclear who the passengers will be – other teal-type candidates to join the political flight to election day or the voting punters? The former is more logical given the number of voters.
Aviation pundits can talk endlessly about suitable aircraft types (or equipment, as its known). Although I never worked in aircraft planning, I reckon I can crack this one with these straightforward numbers.
Federal parliament has 150 electorates, so if CSA is to run a candidate in each and have them all fly around the country together, an A220-300 would suit. More economical and fuel efficient than a B737-Max (with its dubious safety record).
With candidates in half the electorates, an Embraer 170/175 would work, depending on second hand prices and available budget.
With only Zali and Allegra in their city electorates plus say two NSW regional candidates, and still in need of an aircraft, then a four seater Cessna 172 Skyhawk would be best, due to its reliability and plentiful spare parts.
Thirdly though, this raises another basic problem using the aircraft metaphor for CSA, which apparently will be leaderless. Unfortunately this cannot work on board, as you do need a designated pilot to fly it.
Finally, to put this over-worked metaphor out of its misery, if only Zali and Allegra are on board their jumbo, maybe they could just use vehicles or ferries to commute between their respective Sydney electorates.
The Betoota Advocate has christened the newborn party Competent Sheilas Australia, which sounds down-to-earth, albeit a touch sexist and archaic. But it could work out here in the bush.
Notwithstanding all the aforesaid nonsense, go forth sheilas with our sincere blessings for your mission to bring home a chunk of the political bacon (a final metaphor to chew on).
Hmm.
KOOKYNIE COURIER 